Matt Lucas

An old city by regional standards, Oakland, California, is nearly the peer of San Francisco, whose silhouette emerges clearly across the bay from its east-lying twin in good weather. Oakland bears ample traces of the architecture and life of the 19th century, the Gold Rush era. These elements, along with the city’s no less venerable status as not quite the birthplace yet the setting for Jack London’s literary coming of age and his key novel Martin Eden, profoundly inflect the city’s face, in marked contrast with many more impersonal modern neighbors.

On a sidewalk just off the waterfront of Oakland’s estuary stands a blue hinged signboard. Its emblem is eye-catching: the shadow of an octopus, emblazoned with a star. Deepening the enigma, further examination reveals that the creature serves as mascot for the following:

“THE OPEN MATT. YOGA, MARTIAL ARTS, MUSIC/EVENTS, HEALING/BODYWORK.”

The wooden sign perches on the corner of Livingston Street — a couple of blocks historically flanked by industrial warehouses, now partly shifted from earlier designations and housing unconventional personalities and creative ventures. Rounding the corner and walking a short way farther, we near an irregular, elongated structure sided with white corrugated metal. The door at one end generally stands open, as do the adjacent garage-style doors, a carpet hospitably brightening the asphalt before them. And within is a world apart, an atmospheric suite adapted for the full range noted on the sign. An intimate concert hall with a stage adjoins on a foyer with cubbies for shoes and street clothes, contiguous with a tatami room for massage and therapy, as well as a soft-floored dojo, one wall lined by a mirror. The dojo holds the stuff of martial arts. From the ceiling dangle punching bags and ropes; along the walls stand Indian clubs and kettlebells…

The concert hall has an inviting ambience, with the spirits of musicians and audiences palpable even between performances. And for many hours a day in the dojo, varied and diversely driven aficionados cultivate personal ties with ancient knowledge, carried through the ages by seamless sequences of teachers and pupils. Here skilled champions may train in parallel with professionals whose work demands physical and ethical dexterity: police, special forces, security guards and bouncers, military veterans from myriad countries…

The architect, proprietor and sensei of this exceptional dimension is personable Matt Lucas. Versed in martial arts traditions from all corners of the globe, seasoned in a broad spectrum of modern musical styles, he pursues these spheres’ interaction at a single locus: human life, the main hero and resonator for all that finds covergence here.

Apraksin Blues met with Matt Lucas late at night after his return from training in San Francisco, where he prefers to journey by motorcycle. Winding up a long day of musical and athletic endeavors, preparing for the next, Matt engaged us in a lively conversation exploring his chief priorities, his philosophical perspective and its practical foundations.

AB – Matt, as a musician and simultaneously a martial artist, you lead a unique, many-sided life. How do you interweave the diverse threads of your existence: fighting, music, literary work, teaching, involvement in various projects?

M – Many people have been saying I have a unique life. I don’t! I punch things and then complain about it at night on my guitar. But over time I’m realizing maybe all this is more unique than I think.

You’re on the verge of releasing a new album. How does it feel?

Well, I’ve already written a new album! I do everything quickly. I write, hand the results over to someone else and finish up. Then I leave. This album feels really good. It’s my best. This was the first time I’ve felt comfortable in the studio. For the first time I’m giving people an album and actually don’t want to run away. Usually I’m not a big fan of mine. Each album has been more like practice to get better and better at something I love.

Did something change in your life or philosophy since your previous release?

I don’t think my philosophy has really changed.

I was in a rock band, then I went solo and then did more martial arts — constantly battling between martial arts and music. The last record attracted some attention. People I looked up to started asking me to music direct for them. I spent two years in other people’s music and heads, trying to see their visions and energy. I worked with guys who were really good composers but didn’t have the energy, or people with too much energy and not enough composition. I had to help them. Now I was finally able to do my songs again, come back to a comfort zone with more strength.

When I opened up this place, music started coming back into my life — not because of my going to parties but because I’m a musician. The music comes here on its own. And there’s a tone here. There won’t be a bunch of drugs. If we want, we can just go in the dojo and stretch or box.

Does this album better reflect your personality than your previous releases?

Yes, although my personality tends to be a little softer.

We’ve done the first five songs, and now I’ll be doing more groups of five. The first five were about pleasure and pain, and this next set is about killing romance. I want the death of the Hollywood idea of romance. I’m fairly romantic — I love poetry, lyrical songs and some folk music as well. I like it when music is a bit slower. This first part of the album has a sort of Southern rock sound. The next will also have a rock side, but in a more lyrical way. More songs about girls, honestly. I tend to get in a train of thought and write prolifically out of that. I’ll produce 10 or 15 songs and keep five.

I want the death of the Hollywood idea of romance. One of the songs’ first lines is, “I want to see romance put to death, bring me its head.” I need the head of romance on my plate. I want that kind of love to rot. Another tune, “Today We Send Our Love to Die,” is about the same thing. Our modern relationships often involve false pretenses or weird expectations that keep us from authentically connecting with each other. So what might sound like my negative take on love is about true connection as opposed to unsustainable Hollywood attitudes.

You sing a lot about the heart — “when the heart swallows your body and your head,” for instance. Is this distinct from love?

So much of love is in the head, when it should be in the heart. There’s this old martial arts thing, “Emperor, General.” The heart is the emperor, the head is the general. A large part of our behavior now comes from the head, from expectations. A set idea of romance creates limitations. In reality, two people together always create something new — a different attitude, a different feel. The best thing we can ask is to fit in each others’ lives. For that, we have to become better versions of ourselves.

So the martial arts practice also derives from the Emperor and General? The head and the heart?

Martial arts are about connecting and observing. They’re an exercise in nature and efficiency, so you really don’t want to overthink too much. Being in a fight is just an experience for the heart and feelings. I had a coach once who talked about some people being cats and others dogs. Dogs want to pin you and stop you and dominate you. I’m more the cat. I can play with a lizard for hours, experiencing and seeing what it will do, which way it will move.

On “The Open Matt” stage.

With love and sex and fighting, people need to experience each other. Martial arts ask whether you can exist in nature and heighten your awareness. In a fight, when things get chaotic, I stop the fight by imposing my will. I don’t think that works well in relationships. We need to communicate and experience each other, and then we become more sensitive to each other, sharing a flow. When things get crazy, open your eyes, open your vision and start feeling and experiencing. That’s different than being a fighter.

Higher-level martial arts are more efficient and sensitive and softer. Music is the same. Advanced musicians don’t solo all the time, don’t impose themselves on the space. They hold it. They’re there with the group, they flow together. Music, martial arts, being with someone, it’s all the same.

Defying expectations is also a part of the flow.

Flexibility blows the ceiling off what can really happen. A general container can still leave room for variations. It’s not good to get involved in anything without a fundamental understanding of what you’re doing. Just like with fighting. The basics are needed, but then you also need plenty of room for creativity. Totally controlling the outcome is impossible. After all, martial arts are an art.

How might you profile yourself in this art?

I’ve taught martial arts since I was sixteen. The teaching I’ve developed involves a form of yoga that turns martial arts into a healthy pastime, with a balance between strength and flexibility, between health and competition. We study some combative moves, like how to choke, but that’s not the focus. I don’t care whether a person learns to fight.

High-level athletes say that yoga humbles the big men. I’ve talked with five people in the last week alone who have had knee or hip replacements in the last month. All because of training too actively for a sport. When money and fame step in, they’re what we strive for, often sacrificing our own bodies.

In classes, working out and conditioning, I always say I’m not there to teach what’s right or wrong. Whatever we do, there’s a way to maintain our bodies.

A long time ago, if we lived in a village, we would compete constantly, but namely as a way to make each other strong, to understand each other. I wouldn’t train or fight anyone hard enough to blow their knees out, because then if we were attacked, I’d have to protect them, too.

Our bodies need to return to nature. Just two hundred or even a hundred years ago, life often physically required much more labor than now — chopping wood, carrying water, pulling, lifting… You could tell a hard-working person by the strength of his legs and back. In yoga practice, you bend forward to stretch out the hamstrings; you push to balance out all the pulling we do in nature. Yoga relates to alignment and posture — the stacking of bones to form the whole — while martial arts concerns the more ballistic interplay between two people, the conversation of movement. If as martial artists we are meant to adapt to the needs of our community, we need to take the essence of yoga and learn to sequence our bodies accordingly.

Is that also a motive for finding an organic synthesis of different martial arts traditions?

The way I see it, the apparent separateness of various traditions results from the interference of ego. The best martial art is the one you practice. Just like with any art. No instructor needs to tell you whether to play guitar or paint. You do what you enjoy as a practice. The main thing is that you still have to master your human form for continued practice. It’s always a body moving the brush, and the vessel needs care.

My approach is based on my interpretation of my Persian martial arts master, Marco Safakhoo, who was always talking about adaptation. When the body is a refined tool, you can steal in real time, all the time. My teacher would always tell me, “Look, we’ve got two hands and two feet. Our body can bend forward, backward, side to side or twist.” Knowing this and knowing that every culture around the world has a fighting art, I taught my body how to learn, went to other schools and learned from them. Great guitar players can steal from each other onstage, because they know the language. I realized that instead of just adhering to my own practice, I’d rather steal, in a framework of health.

I also realized I don’t need to fight any more. It hurts to get punched in the face, and it’s kind of sad to punch other people in the face.

What led you to found your own center — a zone of unexpected harmonies in martial arts and music?

After moving to California, to this city, I spent about five years looking for somewhere to set up a space for practice. Traveling and touring made this all the harder. Once, during meditation, it dawned on me that if in childhood a person tries to take up the space that already exists, a maturing person needs to learn to create and hold an individual space, an individual vessel.

I had no reason to start by opening a grand martial arts school, clean and polished. I just needed to create my own container. So I found this abandoned warehouse and started adapting it for practice. I teach some classes, but mainly people come in just for practice. I have music in one room, healing art in another. There’s a separate space for meditation, and another for martial arts.

I love having music and martial arts around me. Why not? I like that it’s the worst business model in the world. It can’t succeed, but it can’t fail, either.

What was your greatest source of support in making this place a reality?

When this place opened, I sat in a meditation. And in the meditation I was told I needed to learn to ask for help. Not knowing how to do that, I reached out to an older woman, a dear friend who mentored me. I told her, “I’m a little afraid. I think I bit off more than I can chew.” She answered, “I’ve been waiting for you to ask. I’ve got a list a mile long of people waiting years for you to ask them for help.” So help started showing up: every resource I needed, people I needed and who needed me. That was the most inspiring.

The reason why help never came before was that I never stayed still. Help couldn’t find me, and I had no reason for it. What did I need help for? Cleaning my car?

Do you feel like part of a local community here?

No. It’s funny, but at the San Francisco school where I also teach, most of the students come from the East Bay, and a lot of the students over here come from San Francisco. But really, people come from all over. That’s one of the benefits of having the only model and method like this. It’s nice to know that I’ll always have people here. But I don’t feel I’m a part of any community. My business is its own little community.

Is your creative perspective somehow centered here, though?

I traveled too much as a kid. We were constantly moving from place to place. That teaches you how to not belong, and you accept that. If I’d held strong to a community, I doubt I’d have gotten good at anything. It’s my constitution not to fly a flag or have any geographical loyalty. I think patriotism is another way to isolate yourself from other people. I don’t have that gene, and I don’t want it. I always have to remember, though, that I never left a culture — I never had anything torn from me.

Indifference about belonging might make it easier to relate to diverse people.

It’s very important to be able to share your culture, and I believe I have enough share without also telling you about my area code. Everywhere I’ve gone, I’ve found a nice person and a jerk. Wherever I’ve wound up, I’ve found some musicians and I’ve found some martial artists, and I realize that although there are definite differences, we all want similar things.

So it sounds like you’re not aiming to write the quintessential song of the parking lot on Livingston Street…

I’ve lived here in the Bay Area for eleven years — longer than I’ve lived anywhere in my life — and I don’t even feel I’m remotely from this area. The landscape or something else makes you feel you won’t stay very long. I lived in Georgia for two or three years, and feel like I’m from there. Here no one’s from here. I have a lot of friends, but everyone is transitory. You just have to accept that.

Which part of the country do you see as the most creatively stimulating?

The South runs through all of American history. It’s hot, it has loads of mosquitoes, racial tension, but really good people. That’s where all the best things came from. Soul and gospel and rock and roll and blues all came out of the South. New York thinks it’s cool, but New York became cool, I feel, because a bunch of Southern people moved up there and became active.

When you’re in a beautiful tropical paradise, you’re never going to do anything cool. Or in the middle of a city, with tons of entertainment. But if you’re in a place with nothing to hang onto, and you’re shoved into a handicapped situation, whether it’s financially or emotionally — the neighbors are drunks, this dude over there is beating his kid — and then there are some inspiring musicians, you disappear into a world of creativity. Nothing creates like having nothing to do. That sums up much of the South, which has a lot of tension, whether it’s racial or the church or just conservative parents. There’s always enough to rebel against. It’s fantastic.

Just like with cold climates. A lot of great art comes out of really cold places. You just go inside with your friends there, and then you get sick of talking, so you start creating. Depressed or turbulent places are the alchemy of music. Poor and oppressed people’s music takes ugly situations and makes them into something beautiful.

It’s the same with martial arts. They take chaos and violence and turn them into the beauty of health. Art is the ultimate alchemy. It can take pain, joy, anything, and make beauty. The most beautiful songs come from some of the most painful places. That’s why you never hear anything good come out of Hawaii. No! Because just being there is gorgeous. It’s a huge playground, a wonderland.

I was in Florida and Georgia and Alabama, Louisiana… What else are you looking to do there? It’s horrible outside, so you want to go indoors and make music. It’s more of a tradition there, too.

Your life has an incredible rhythmic structure. On the one hand, it’s as if you have this place open all hours, and yet you always seem to be heading off to work somewhere else…

I started martial arts when I was a little kid. It’s funny to say that I didn’t get serious until I was about six. Sure, I work incredibly hard, but working is my joy, and I don’t feel like I’m working. My work is also my social time. I don’t know how I’d socialize with people if it weren’t for martial arts and music. I don’t take my work too seriously — that’s probably why I excel at it. There’s nothing sacred here, it’s all very attainable. This work is one of my best friends, and you’re allowed to poke fun at your best friends.

But yes, between teaching here and having workshops off-site and making my own records and music-directing for other bands… It doesn’t seem like a lot until I start talking about it. But if it stays inspiring, stay inspired, and keep going. It’s like cardio: the more energy you give, the more you have. I see no reason to stop.

How does songwriting fit into all this?

I used to wake up in the morning and train — do my yoga, and then my meditation, and work out, and run, and so on. But now with the middle 14 hours of my day allotted for exercise, I can write in the morning. Before bedtime, too. I can usually hit a song. I’ve been writing more short stories lately, and a couple of little scripts. My next step will be getting into longer forms.

Do your songs tend to evolve a lot after composition?

Yes, especially now, with this record. The bass player from one of my all-time favorite bands, Facing New York, found time to come in and play with us, and I’m so happy — he brings an amazing energy. I’m about to change every song completely. Making a record and playing live, it’s fun to be able to switch things around while keeping an underlying structure. I will play a lot of these songs solo on the acoustic guitar, which slows them way down and lets them evolve differently. I try to restrain myself only because perpetual changes get in the way of a career.

Repetition is also a skill. I keep producing new music as another form of repetition, to grow stronger as an artist, only opposed to being an actualized artist who creates something strong and sticks to it. The more I throw away, the stronger I’ll be — the next thing will be even better!

I don’t think I know any songs from my prior album these days. A couple of months back, I played a show where I had to go to the back room to relearn a couple of my songs for audience requests. I’ve had to do that a lot.

So letting go of past creations isn’t hard for you!

Everything constantly evolves. Higher-energy venues require adaptation. Also, I play in places where people want to hear new songs. I’m known for how much I’m able to write, and that’s what many people are looking for. I did a show once on a Friday where I announced that I would only play songs composed that week. I remembered about seventy percent of the material, and the rest I just made up as I went along. I throw things out because my joy is making new ones. I’m lucky enough to have set an ethic such that people are always ready to hear new music from me.

Do your band’s musicians share these expectations?

Yes. I’ve been working with the drummer since 1997. If we get busy and don’t see each other for months, sometimes we’ll meet onstage for shows and play five or six new songs made up on the spot. The song “Pain” on the new album happened like that. He’d never heard it before, we just played it — and that was the take. I led him with my eyebrows.

Speaking of “Pain”… In the song, you call pain your “first love,” your “heavy-handed friend.” Have you always valued pain’s role in life?

We need pain. Pain teaches us far better. The old adage is that your opinion of pain determines how you suffer I’ve learned many valuable lessons through pain. Pain means you’re trying. It’s essential to remove our negative view of pain.

I liked the concept of writing a love song to pain. At this hippied-out event, where other musicians were performing songs about love and light, rainbows and sparkles, I decided I had to do something different — luckily I don’t have songs like that anyway. So I performed “Pain.” Afterward, people came up to talk with me about it. Pain is very real. A little pain can make you change your tune. In the martial arts world, pain is how you learn. We call the pain and bruises class notes. That’s all they are. Hopefully we can learn from pain. But if we run from it, it won’t serve us.

Avoiding pain is a huge issue in our culture now. Look at the number-one killer in America. Prescription painkillers. We’ve convinced ourselves that pain and discomfort are negatives. Yet people are still having babies. I hear that’s not too comfortable.

Basically, pain needed a love song.

Have you ever had times of feeling like an outsider?

I’ve never felt I don’t belong, because I’m not trying to belong. I just feel there’s either contact or there isn’t. I’ve come to realize a lot of people have no intention of believing in what I believe. That’s made me very accepting of others’ lives.

I love people and going out and playing music for them, but when the party starts, as someone who doesn’t drink or do any drugs, I know that come midnight, the conversations will change. When I’m playing music and there’s cocaine and drinking backstage, I don’t feel like an outsider. I’d just rather be somewhere else.

There was a time when I felt like an outsider in the martial arts world, because I practice a martial-arts system of yoga. All the yogis would talk to me about yoga having nothing to do with violence. And martial artists would insist they didn’t like yoga, although their art really originated in yoga. The sole difference is intention. I just wished all those people had read more. When people ask me about my martial art, I tell them, I do the one that doesn’t like getting kicked where it counts.

In your martial arts and music, how do the traditional and the new coexist?

Many people ask if I do traditional martial arts. I think it’s traditional to have open space and time to practice, with information flowing. That’s how traditionally we evolve our art: not through following someone and adhering to sitting in the same class and never getting out and expanding. As a martial arts instructor, I work with many young people, and that’s always turning me on to new things. We’re only as picky as our options, right?

So I’m honoring my teachers. The many things I gained from them are having this culmination.

“The Open Matt” dojo.

Maybe far off to the side.
Maybe far off subject.
But where does it really come from?
From which of the narrowest cracks does it arise?
From blind dangerous alleys of dissimilarity —
from the ruptures, the intervals, spaces between.
From the contact of inner with inner.
What to forget, what to merit, as yet unknowing.

Joining
through corners and nodes and worlds.
This music of secret instincts,
unreasonable nonimitative meaning
bearing no name and revealing no face.
To dig through to a new heaven
from the foothills of a new earth
with the force of clay gone shapeless,
of molten steel
no longer laying bridges
of bowing to tyrannical
genetic coherence of days.
A reality left free of total censor
takes only what is given:
the strictures of simplicity,
the cracks within the manger
beneath the sentry tower of the regime.

Maybe no one’s capable
of fully understanding
when something doesn’t rush to show itself
and doesn’t dare capitulate,
entrenching itself in the fracture of changes
in the name of re-
submissiveness
to civilization’s sibyls.

— The first issue of the new newspaper is ready. I have heard the next one is already being prepared for release and that you sense no shortage of material ahead. Even before the newspaper saw the light of day, it had become well-known, began to be spoken of. Interested people are appearing, each with something to contribute. Are you able to say whether the first issue gives a typical sample of what you will be producing?

— The first issue is only the beginning. Getting acquainted. An inviting gesture: an open door.

 

— What do plan to do with the newspaper in the future? What will it be like?

— We will try to make a newspaper it is possible to read. We will try to pretend there is no such thing as politics or commerce… And overall, no “timely matters.” At least, that there is no need to depend on those things.

 

— How is material selected?

— First of all, the selection is determined in such a way as not to have to blush for it twenty years later.

 

— What forms of creativity do you show a preference to?

— The widest range is possible. Our concern is not with genre so much as printing news in no hurry to become day-old.

 

— So the model you strive for is a collection of scholarly and philosophical articles?

— Our model is a collective music session. To make music. When possible, the players are figures both refined and varied. There are other times, as in any music-making, when it’s fine to joke and roughhouse. And gossip a little about domestic trifles. The paper should neither be haughty nor brutal. At minimum, in no way should it lose its sense of measure.

It seems to me the reference to blues in the title couldn’t be more appropriate.

 

— Because the blues means making music?

— Yes. A kind of music-making that requires taste and skill. Free expression that doesn’t disrupt the harmonic foundation. What a person loves, he sings about.

 

— So the newspaper’s guiding principle is trueness to a harmonic foundation?

— The question of a principle or direction is decided in the most natural way. The beginning is established. Let it develop freely. Let it set the course it will follow.

 

— Who is your reader?

— Our reader and our author are the same person. All is determined by harmony — of feelings, of interests. A person can listen or play a little himself. Our paper is a club. Perhaps it is a club that unites very different people that talk about different things in different ways and may be connected through only one common interest —an interest in what lies “beyond good and evil,” that doesn’t depend on the calendar and has no name but only a question mark; what a person is born with and what he tirelessly seeks the answer to. A club of collectors and alchemists. A newspaper “for each other.” Letters to each other.

I want to speak separately about the co-authors. That is, those we will write about, whom we will recall, whose memory we will preserve. In this first issue, Mike [Naumenko] opens the list, gifting the newspaper with its name and in this way affirming his constant presence in it.

 

— By the way, regarding funding. How are material questions decided?

— I want to make special mention that “Apraksin Blues” is a categorically non-commercial publication (this includes the aspect of payments to authors). Having been born as a gift, the newspaper lives only on gifts. So its existence can be assured only through benevolence and love of the art of pure conversation.

In the beginning of autumn 1974 — so many years ago! — Mikhail Naumenko, or simply Mike, as his friends called him and he liked to refer to himself, looking at the time completely the teenager, took pleasure in spending time along with a number of other similarly young, constant guests, full of enthusiasm, in the home those who frequented it had dubbed “Apraksin Palace.” Palace! How could it have been otherwise, and I was the “countess” — thanks to my work with drawing in those day. Sometimes, true, the apartment was more modestly dubbed “Apraksin House,” and some special observers some time later introduced the term “Madame Apraksina’s salon.”

In the days spoken of here, the company as a rule entertained itself noisily and cut loose with all its spirit — in pursuits, it must be said, of an utterly innocent character. Intense debates of life-shaking questions alternated now and then with foolish student escapades, or decorating each others’ physiognomies with paint, or unimaginable collective music sessions in which the place of honor went, it goes without saying, to the guitar and piano parts. Special expressiveness, however, was achieved by using absolutely any object that happened to be on hand, including items of furniture, table settings and so on — everything able to knock, jingle, ring or shake. At such moments, we experienced the closest possible union of souls and rose toward unknown ideals.

That autumn, Mike was, if only just barely, the “Palace”‘s most faithful visitor. He could be seen almost daily. He came alone, or with one of his friends. Sometimes he showed up to modestly form a small retinue for Aquarium. Skinny, frail, with his large nose stretching forth as if with interest, forever traveling faster than his face — with its lively, round, dark eyes that shone with good-natured curiosity — he was ready to take part in everything, share with all and be everyone’s friend. When he did something that turned out less than smoothly, he usually spoke up to condemn himself, saying with embarrassment, “What a klutz I am!”

Up to that time, he hadn’t written a single one of his famous songs, although he already carried around a neatly kept notebook in which the foundations of future hits were being laid. Many of these songs actually began to be recorded namely then, although they were not to be discovered until significantly later — Mike could take years to bring one song to fruition, from time to time jotting down a word, a phrase in the notebook, “trying on” various variations for size, tossing pieces in as if composing a mosaic, testing whole fragments, putting the text through a step-by-step edit.

All this, however, didn’t become known right away. As far as we were concerned, Mike was simply dear to all, well-disposed to all, a young man very much at home with everyone, markedly the more so in wearing an old felt hat, wide-brimmed, like a sagging mushroom. This famed hat was constantly switching masters. Its generous-spirited owners were forever bestowing it upon one another on the occasion of a birthday or other festive events, or simply as a token of special affection or under the influence of fits of altruism. The hat fell to Mike through this same order of things.

Having appeared once, Mike kept faithful to this route, these friends, energetically taking part in all happenings, playing and singing backup to everyone, eagerly assembling the company for any undertaking — and because, well, why not, it was at this time he dropped out of the institute where he had studied.

And so, in the first days of autumn 1974, sitting in the customary circle amid the usual conversations, occasionally placing a quip in the shared conversation, Mike, escaping our notice, buried his head in a sheet of paper lying before him on the low table and started thoughtfully filling it with words.

Growing absorbed in this assignment, he shut himself off more and more from the company, waving away remarks and jokes in his address. Gradually, everyone ceased to pay him any mind and at last left him in peace.

After some time, Mike came back to life, started to move again, bid all present to silence and announced, with mock seriousness, I just wrote a song…about all of us…if you want, I can…

He asked for a guitar, searched for the right key and added it to his voice — unlike any other, with more than a little nasal twang — and in his beloved “Dylan-esque” manner, a nearly one-note, drawling monotone, he “whined” through his dithyrambs — not very smooth (“What a klutz I am”) but despite this very sincere, as all Mike did: a hymn to wonderful completeness, the unclouded perfection of this moment of life, run-of-the-mill but steeped in feeling and faith in the future. The hymn’s contents amounted to a deep approval of the intuitive wisdom that had summoned each of us to be present at the singularly correct place and time to linger a while as a participant in singularly correct events.

The hymn was accepted enthusiastically — it didn’t commit to anything more, but completely fit the style of other joint endeavors. And Mike himself was not the kind to exaggerate his compositions’ value. Just a sweet nothing — the way a bird on a bough lifts up praise to life’s fullness when spring’s sensations rush upon it.

The sheet of paper holding the hymn’s words lies here to this day, safely pressed among strata of other sheets, all the paper that bears traces of the moving hearts of people close to me. So this sheet stayed to abide in the place where simple words were laid on it, many years ago, where the hand of a dear friend placed a signature — Mike — and broadly inscribed a title — APRAKSIN BLUES.

I love table tennis. Once when I was teaching students this game, one of them asked, “The ball’s so tiny and flies so fast. How can you hit it?”
For some time after this, I kept missing the ball because I was constantly thinking about where it was. This reminded me of a story.
There once lived a old man who had a long mustache and beard. He had a wonderful appetite and slept soundly at night. One day his grandson asked him, “Grandfather, when you go to bed, where do you put your beard — under the blanket or on top of it?” The old man had never thought about this, so he couldn’t answer his grandson. But in the evening, lying in bed, he tried to decide how, indeed, it was better to sleep: with the beard under the blanket or on top? All night, he tossed and turned and couldn’t sleep.
 
Many things in our lives are like this grandfather’s beard. When you pay them no attention, they go well. But all it takes is to start thinking about them for problems to come up immediately. For example: Love between a man and a woman is a very natural thing. But nowadays many specialists in romantic relationships have appeared. Their job is to pose various questions about love, or to teach how to love properly. This makes love complicated, cold, difficult. When people love and value each other, that’s more than enough. There’s no sense in adding up and thinking through your love’s details. Too much worrying and rationalizing about it can cause the very loss of the natural capacity for loving.
In an earlier time, in China, many men only learned their bride’s appearance on their wedding day. And yet they knew their fate — to live happily together to the end of their days.
Today numerous experts endlessly analyze family problems and at their consultations (usually for wives) pronounce spouses haughty, egotistical, negligent toward their homes and families. They (the experts) exaggerate the importance of details. After having such consultations and reading similar books, many women reexamine their relationships with their husbands, and frequently a normal family sees problems appear. In my opinion, sometimes doing without these types of books and experts can simplify our lives, make them happier. Everything should be natural, like, say, my game of table tennis. The flying ball can be swatted away automatically without thinking too much about its flight path. Greater success is often won without rationalizing about how it’s done.
Occasionally a person will read any two books and immediately rush to calculate how much wiser he’s become. Or while making someone’s acquaintance, already will be trying to figure out exactly what personal advantage to cull from it.
A person’s spiritual growth results from prolonged, constant work — it isn’t fast food, where everything comes quickly and all at once.
 
A good woman is like a school, because every good woman can cultivate one good man. Whatever dreams and desires she can’t fulfill on her own, she brings to life through the man.
Yet a bad woman, too, can be a kind of school for a man. Egoism, prejudice and an unhealthy psyche also exert influence on a man, although he might not even suspect it.
 
To understand a woman, it’s most important to learn not what she likes, but what she dislikes, because a woman’s passions come and go, but her hostility to something always remains.
 
A woman’s beauty comes from her tenderness, and tenderness stems from goodness. Moreover, this is a natural goodness, fundamentally different than the artificial, mannered goodness of some women. I seem to see the feminine ideal in Kant’s formulation of beauty as a “purposiveness without purpose….”